


Our Time - 15x02 Coda

by xxenjoy



Series: Codas [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x02, Canon verse, Coda, M/M, S15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 06:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21156770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: After Dean walks away the first time, Cas does his best to prove to Dean that what they are to each other is real.





	Our Time - 15x02 Coda

The school is cold and unfamiliar, something which normally wouldn't bother Cas, but it's a too-obvious reminder that he's alone. Technically, he's not, _technically_ there's an entire town worth of people around him every moment. And Sam and Dean are there of course. And Belphegor. But with so many people around demanding answers from the three men who put them in this quarantine, Dean and Sam are busy and it becomes strikingly obvious that Cas is alone among them. 

Sam is civil, of course. He always is when these things happen, but if Cas tries to explain anything and Dean decides he doesn't like how he's phrasing it, or just feels he could tell it better, he interrupts. There's no camaraderie between them. Cas has become something of an interloper to Dean, and while Cas knows the series of events that led up to this, he doesn't understand. 

For a little while, he thought he did. Dean very obviously blames him for the death of his mother and that much Cas does understand. He should have told them about Jack before he got as bad as he did. Maybe he is wholly to blame for that, but Dean's aversion has shifted in the past few days and that's where Cas loses his hold on the situation. 

Dean doesn't talk to him unless strictly necessary and Sam's too busy to bother with their squabble so Cas lets himself be kept in the dark. There's a bigger picture here, anyway. There's more for him to be focusing on than why one person is mad at him - even if it is Dean. 

Cas sets himself to his tasks, doing head checks and ensuring everyone is staying as calm as they can, considering the circumstances. He tries to answer questions where he can, but there's only so much any of them can do without telling the truth and inducing panic. Sam keeps himself busy and Cas does the same, but more and more he finds his mind drifting lately and he needs to do something about it. Maybe if he clears the air, he and Dean will be able to go back to normal - or at least not this aching tension that's been nagging at him lately. 

He corners Dean. It's maybe not the greatest of ideas, but they've known each other long enough, been close enough that Cas is hopeful that Dean will listen. Cas ends up being the one to do the listening. 

What's bothering Dean - what's _really_ bothing Dean - is so much more than Jack and Mary. The second Chuck turned on them, Cas knew they were in more trouble than they could comprehend. But he had been - _has_ been - so focused on the ghosts and the people in quarantine, that he didn't stop to consider what this new development might be doing to Dean personally. 

Dean taught him free will, Dean's whole world revolves around being free and making his own decisions. That much, Cas knows; Dean's been through so much, he needs _something_ to hold on to and that something has just been shattered in his hands. 

Cas tries. He does his best to convince Dean that he does have free will, that Chuck wasn't the one in his head this whole time choosing which cases to take and how to go about them. Dean doesn't believe him. He's hurt, he's been betrayed, but most of all there's a desperate sadness Cas is picking up on a deep-seated fear that is tangible when he looks in Dean's eyes. 

He realizes too late that Dean believing he's had no control over his life means that he believes none of the relationships he's made are real. Nothing about _them_ is real - just a game played by a bored God - characters in a play and they're the actors who will walk away at the end of the day and return to their real lives. 

Dean's already walking away by the time Cas realizes this and he calls after him. 

"Dean," he says and to Dean's credit, he does stop. "You asked what about all of this is real. _We are_." Dean turns just briefly before walking away. Cas is left with the same familiar feeling of hopelessness. 

They continue with their day as planned, but Cas thinks that now, knowing there's more to Dean's suffering than just the loss of his mother, he might be able to help. He waits until that night. Everyone is effectively turning in for the night and Cas does a final check before seeking out Dean. 

When he finds him, Dean's slumped in the corner of one of the empty classrooms, working his way through a bottle of Jack. Cas shuts the door behind him and when Dean notices, he glances over before rolling his eyes and returning to his drink. It's disheartening to say the least, but Cas is determined. 

Cas shrugs out of his coat, draping over a chair near the door, and crosses to where Dean is sitting. He sits next to Dean and pulls the bottle from his hands, setting it on his opposite side, out of Dean's reach. 

"What the hell, Cas?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Thought we talked this morning?" Dean resigns himself to the lack of alcohol and slouches further, crossing his arms over his knees. 

"You talked, I didn't." That earns him another eyeroll and Cas does his best not to take it personally. "You're afraid," he says simply. It doesn't go over well, considering the sound Dean makes in response, but he doesn't try to leave so Cas counts it as a good thing. 

"Not afraid," Dean adds for good measure. "We've been through worse than this."

_Technically_, Cas thinks, _they've been through exactly this - just not all at once_. He doesn't say it out loud because it's sure to just annoy Dean even more. He crouches down in front of Dean and hesitates. Everything about Dean's positioning is saying he doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want to talk and yet there's a desperate ache emanating from him so Cas takes his chances. 

He moves to sit next to Dean, shifting close enough that their shoulders touch. Dean doesn't pull away. Cas isn't naive enough to think this means things will go over well, but it is a good sign. He can't count the number of times he's approached Dean to talk only to have him stalk off in irritation - this afternoon included. 

"Do you remember hell?" he asks. 

"You know that I do."

"That was the first time I made a decision because of you, but not the last.” Dean doesn't respond and Cas continues, not caring whether Dean wants to hear or not. "My task was to work with a team. I was sent down with an army Dean; our job was to locate and extract you - do you remember how many of us were there?"

"Only remember you," Dean mumbles. 

"Exactly. I broke ranks I made a decision to be the one who got to you first." Dean is unconvinced. 

"And who sent you?" He snaps, "who was the one who sent me to hell in the first place?" 

Cas sighs and drops his head back against the wall. There are so many things he could tell Dean to convince him - enough that they could be here for hours, but they don't have that kind of time. Soon enough there will be more questions and Dean has to sleep at some point. 

They sit in silence for some time. Dean is silent but Cas is determined to convince him to hold on to anything. There has to be something can he find that Dean can't argue the validity of, something so undeniable that there is no counter. 

He sits back up and pushes himself off from the wall. Dean watches, expecting him to get up and leave, but he doesn't. Cas moves to kneel in front of him again and Dean's eyes follow the motion. 

"Chuck is gone," he says. "This is our time. If we had no choice in what happened to us, if we were strictly puppets in Chuck's play - we wouldn't be here right now. Chuck wrote this story and now he's abandoned it like every other one before it. Dean, this is what's real." 

He pushes Dean's knees apart and Dean ducks his head, dropping his hands to the sides. He relents as Cas slides closer, pressing forward until he's kneeling between Dean's thighs. He reaches out, cupping Dean's cheek with one hand and he's surprised when Dean's fingers curl around his wrist. Dean doesn't make any attempt to move and Cas continues before Dean changes his mind. 

He takes the bottle, setting it aside before taking Dean's hands. There's a heavy moment where they're both still and Cas rubs his thumb over Dean's hands, assuring him. _Believe in this_, he wants to say but the words don't come. He settles Dean's hands on his sides, pushing under the layers of clothing so there's only a thin layer of fabric between them. 

"I'm real," he breathes. 

Surprisingly, Dean doesn't pull away when Cas releases his hands. He still doesn't quite meet Cas' eyes, but he tips his head up a little and presses his fingers into Cas' shirt. Cas' hands find Dean's knees, slipping down his thighs and he bumps his nose against Dean's. 

“_We’re_ real.”

He kisses Dean before he can change his mind. Dean jerks in surprise, but he doesn't pull away and his hands soften against Cas' sides. Dean sinks against him and Cas can feel the desperation in every touch. Dean needs this as much as he does and Cas will do everything in his power to prove to him that he can have this, that if anything, _this_ is real. 

The kiss only lasts a minute and then Dean's pulling away, burying his face in Cas' shoulder. Cas pulls him close and lets Dean wrap around him. This is too much, so much more than any of them were prepared for no one can blame Dean for not being able to cope. 

Dean doesn't speak and Cas holds him as he shakes. It doesn't change anything; they're still facing an emergency and Dean is still hurting but it's a step. It's a start.


End file.
